Man, DeviantART is becoming like a journal for me. I guyess it's not too bad, because I feel like I can actually write my feelings on here, but at the same time I'm pretty sure that a couple people I'm friends with IRL knows my DA account, and thats worrisome because nobody really needs to know my feelings, but it's okay, Hannah'll survive.
So I'm just gonna write some things down in point form.
I have been feeling really down lately. I have no real reason to, yet I do.
Somehow I've stayed clean, which is pretty good for me.
I've started to overthink a lot of things, and because of that I've lost trust in a lot of people
So I guess the first and last points kind of tie together. I don't really know where to begin explaining them, though. I've just been realizing a lot of things about my life lately that I never really wanted to know (like how some of my friends truly think about me, ETC). I've been hearing a lot of nasty things that some of my friends have been saying about me, and it's made me rethink my entire persona. I don't really know who I am anymore, because of this. I want to be bubbly and happy, but apparently I'm loud and annoying. I want to be friends with a lot of people, but apparently I come across as flirty and unfaithful. Honestly, thinking about myself, I don't know why anybody talks to me. I guess they may just feel bad for me, and I get it, but being completely honest, I would hate myself if I was anyone else.
And I know some of you guys (if you're even reading this rant) would disagree with me, but I feel really useless. I don't really do anything that is useful to anyone. I annoy people, and make things worse for everyone. I'm not that smart, I'm not that good at anything, I'm not that attractive, I just kind of exist. These days, music is really the only thing I get really excited to do, and even then, I'm not good at it. I can't make a career out of it.
I don't even want to START thinking about the future. I'm really scared to think whats gonna happen when I'm an adult, if I even make it that far. My parents want me to do something with my life that is respected and that will earn me a lot of money, but honestly I just want to be a graphic designer and have fun with my job. I feel like if i do anything other than what they want though, they'll be upset with me and will never forgive me.
I dunno. Maybe I'll add more things later, but as of right now, my wrist injury is acting up and it makes me want to cut my hand off